When I was but a wee bab, I was under the impression that sex was always effortless, embarrassment-free, and absolutely never hurt. Wee bab Taryn was incorrect, as most of us are. Sometimes things hurt! Sex should be fun and easy, but sometimes it takes a little bit of work to get there. Let’s talk about some ways to mitigate unpleasant physical feelings.
Anal pain
Slow down! It’s not a race! Unless you’re under some sort of time constraint, or you have a pre-negotiated time kink (is that a thing? I bet it is), there’s no reason to rush. Whether you’re giving or receiving some anal penetration, go slow to prevent pain.
Start small. Please don’t try and go from virgin bumhole to DOUBLE XL MONSTER DONG. Start with a plug, yeah? Build up to some anal beads, if you want. Try a slimline toy with a flared base, then graduate to larger toys or dicks, if you can. Don’t push your limits too soon.
Relax! Try something else for a while, if necessary. There’s no shame in switching gears for a little while. It’s easy to tense up when you’re trying to force a thing that isn’t meant to be forced. Even if you come back to it a different day, a little bit of time away can be just the trick.
Wiggle your toes! This is a trick I learned from my gynecologist, actually. Wiggling your toes helps you focus on another area of your body and can help you consciously relax your pelvic muscles, which– when tense– can contribute to pain.
Vaginal pain
Once again, slow down. There’s no race! Start with a finger or two and get really turned on. Even before that, skip the fingers and go with some good old fashioned makeout sessions. Making out is underrated. It’s fun, it’s hot, and it gets the metaphorical juices flowing so vagina owners are less likely to experience resistance with insertion.
Build up with some toys. We all know I love toys. Start with some slimmer toys, especially if you’re like me and have a narrow pelvis. Don’t try and be size royalty right away, because all it’s going to do is frustrate you if you can’t manage it.
Try pot lube, if it’s legal in your area! Listen, pot lube is a real thing and it’s real good. It helps me really relax because it makes my vag feel good before things even get going with my beau. (Not to mention the better orgasms!)
Jaw pain
All together now… Slow down! (Sensing a theme, here?) Regardless of the genital configuration you’re working with, you don’t need to start out at a level eight out of 10. Start at a two. Build up from there.
Add some pillows and adjust your position. When I’m going down on someone, it’s easier to be straight on the dick, rather than just above or just below. Those angles will getcha. Don’t be afraid to try out different locations, too. Sometimes the couch is just better logistically!
Do some jaw exercises! TMJ is a real thing. As someone who’s jaw pops mid-blowjob, it’s really irritating and sometimes pretty painful. Some exercises that you can do can be found here and here.
When in doubt, get lube out! There’s nothing wrong with lube, people! Lube makes sex safer, more comfortable, and even makes it easier to last longer, if that’s what you’re looking for. Sex shouldn’t be painful. Switch things up, relax, take your time, and use some lube. If you’re still experiencing a lot of pain, particularly pelvic pain, it’s a good idea to see a doctor. Lube it up and have fun!
Thanks to the folks at Vibrant for sponsoring this post! Interested in sponsoring your own post? Contact me here and let’s talk!
Taryn, thank you for this post. Its very inspiring.