What is asexuality?

So, there are different kinds of attraction, right?

  • Aesthetic attraction: The ability to recognize when someone is attractive and appreciate it in a non-romantic, non-sexual way.
  • Romantic attraction: A desire to have romantic interactions and involvement with another person.
  • Sensual attraction: A desire for non-sexual affection like hugging, kissing, cuddling, et cetera.
  • Sexual attraction: A desire to have sexual contact with someone.

Asexuality is the absence of that sexual desire. Many people, myself included, can experience sensual or romantic attraction. Some don’t, and that’s okay too! Sexuality is a spectrum, and it’s different for everyone.

Why do you masturbate if you’re asexual?

Because it feels good! Masturbation is a healthy, normal, safe way to explore my sexuality, what I like, and what I don’t like. It helps when I have cramps, or when I have a headache. It helps when I’m sad, or when I’m frustrated, even when I’m tired. I (personally) don’t necessarily have a sex drive, but masturbating helps keep me in a good mood! I treat it like exercise— it’s great for endorphins!

That said, some ace people don’t masturbate, and that’s perfectly okay. But I like to!

Do you have crushes? Do you fall in love?

Yes and yes! Asexuality is just about sexual attraction, not about the desire to love another person.

Do you have sex with people or do you just use toys?

I have had sex with partners in the past, though it’s usually as a means to feel closer to them, to get physical affection and attention from them, or because I know it’s important to them. In a relationship where I’m getting enough non-sexual affection, I don’t feel the need to have sex and I have to set reminders to initiate something with my partner, or else I’ll just plain forget.

It’s just a phase, you’ll get over it.

Maybe! And that’s okay.

But I need to address this: When you tell someone that it’s “just a phase” and that they’ll “get over it” or “come around eventually”, you’ve just dismissed something that may have been very difficult for them to tell you. I encourage you to keep an open mind and to let people identify the way they want to.

There is a ton more information over at asexuality.org. Their FAQ is full of interesting information!