Am I Normal?

One of my goals with this blog was to talk about sex and sex-adjacent things from the perspective of an asexual. Not the whole asexual experience mind you, just my perspective. But in my reading about asexual experiences and getting questions on my personal Tumblr, I noticed a theme. People always want to know if their experience is normal.

I usually get the same few questions:

Is it normal if I don’t want to ever have sex?

Some people who identify as asexual are sex-repulsed, others are simply sex-indifferent. If you think you’re one of these, that’s perfectly fine. Sex isn’t food or water. You can survive without it. If you don’t ever want to have sex, that’s okay. You can find intimacy in other areas besides sex!

Is it normal for sex to hurt?

Discomfort is one thing; maybe you need more lube, maybe you rushed into sex and didn’t spend enough time on foreplay, or maybe you’re tense from nerves. But sex should never be painful. Pain is your body’s way of telling you that something is wrong. If you’re experiencing pain, communicate it with your partner, or take a break if you’re flying solo. It’s perfectly okay to stop your activities of the evening if you’re just not feeling it.

That said, if you’re having persistent pain, it may be time to see a doctor. I’m not a doctor, and I’m not aiming to diagnose anything. See someone with a medical background who knows your history and can better evaluate you.

Is it normal to masturbate if I’m asexual? (Or not?)

It’s perfectly normal to masturbate! Or not! Masturbation can be a healthy, safe way to explore your sexuality and find out what you like or don’t like. But if you’re sex-repulsed, as some asexual people are, there’s absolutely no pressure to masturbate if you don’t want to. Your body, your choice.

Is it normal to have crushes or fall in love if I’m asexual?

Yes! Sexual attraction and romantic attraction are different things. You can be sexually attracted to someone without romantic attraction, romantically attracted without sexual attraction, or both, or neither! This means it’s absolutely normal to have crushes or fall in love, since romantic attraction and sexual attraction aren’t the same thing.

Ultimately, chances are that whatever you want, whatever you’re experiencing, is normal. Whether you’re asexual, gray-asexual, demi-sexual, or however you identify, you have a community and people who understand.

There’s more information about asexuality on my Asexuality page, or on Read to your heart’s content, and if you do have questions you can’t find an answer to, I’m happy to listen on Twitter.

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