My high school’s sex ed curriculum was probably indicative of the country at large. We didn’t learn much aside from looking at diagrams of reproductive organs, and to not have sex otherwise we would get pregnant and have to go to the alternative high school across down.
It was by no means extensive. I didn’t realize it at the time, since sex wasn’t even almost on my mind (hi, asexuality), but it would have been nice to know a few of the basics.
Birth control
How to use the pill, specifically. How often to take pills, the importance of not missing doses, and what to do if you miss one. I would have benefited from knowing that if it’s just one you’ve missed, take it as soon as you remember. If you’ve missed more than one, take the next one, but know that you’ll need a backup method until your next period
How to use internal and external condoms! I knew the basics and could figure it out, but I didn’t know what to do if one broke, which inevitably happened. I frantically started googling before I even got my pants back on and learned that if you’re not on the pill or another backup method of birth control, seek out a morning after pill. I did, but then realized that Plan B won’t work if you’re over a certain weight… So I used Ella. No problems! This is definitely something worth asking your doctor or pharmacist about, since different medications have different limitations.
On the subject of condoms, alternative uses would have been good to know, like how to make a makeshift dental dam in a pinch. If you’re having oral sex with someone who has a vagina, or you’re practicing your rimming techniques on someone’s anus, cut the top off (the part that goes over the head of the penis) and cut a straight line down the middle of the condom so you essentially have a square piece of latex. This will allow you to maintain a barrier between your mouth and your partner, while still allowing for a lot of sensation for the receiver.
Basic anatomy
Just like everyone has a different face, everyone also has different genitalia! I wanted to know the differences between circumcised and uncircumcised penises. Circumcision is the act of cutting off the foreskin of the penis, typically just after a baby is born. For uncircumcised adults, this means pulling back the foreskin in order to clean around the head of the penis. For circumcised adults, it means using some extra lube when you’re giving a hand job! Learning about this would have seriously alleviated some pre-date anxiety about my techniques.
I also should have learned about the differences in vulvas/labia. Some people have big outer lips and little inner lips. Some people have big inner lips. Some people have lots of hair, others don’t. Sometimes a vulva is pink, sometimes it’s brown, sometimes it’s somewhere in between. Sometimes they’re symmetrical, sometimes they’re not. It would have made me feel a lot better about my own vulva.
I can’t believe intersex folks are left out of general sex ed discussions. Intersex folks are born with any variety of genital configuration, sometimes called “ambiguous genitalia”. However, intersex also refers to other sex characteristics, like chromosomes, hormones, and gonads. I didn’t even know intersex was a thing until college! There’s a lot more to unpack with intersex folks, because many are assigned a specific gender at birth and the genitalia is surgically altered to better fit that gender… that’s a post and a half on its own, and I’m not the authority to get into it.
Meaningful STI education
Specifically, what you can actually get STIs from. Meaning: Not a school toilet seat. I found this chart and I want to plaster it on my high school nurse’s office wall. It doesn’t just cover the heavy hitters like HIV and herpes either, but also includes ones I didn’t know about until college, like trichomoniasis.
Lube, just, in general
There’s a pervasive thought in society that people with vaginas need to “get wet” enough for penetrative sex to happen without lube. But sometimes it doesn’t happen, whether it’s because of medication, stress, or just plain not happening. There’s nothing wrong with using lube and not getting wet isn’t a reflection of how into it or not into it someone is. It helps reduce friction, makes things feel better, and reduces the chance of a condom breaking.
Et cetera…
Of course, there’s a lot more to get into as well. Body safe materials for sex toys, different sexualities, trans folks, virginity as a social construct, causes of pain during sex, the whole concept of the “female orgasm”… but that’s for part two of this post.