Note: I do a lot of generalizing in this piece. The problem of violence towards cisgender women is most frequently committed by cisgender men, and introducing racial and trans identities would make this a novel rather than an article. I speak in heterocentric, cis-centric language in this piece not to…
The History of Asexuality
I listen to a lot of podcasts. Particularly Stuff You Should Know and Sawbones. One thing these two podcasts have in common is that when they start talking about the history of something, it normally starts in ancient China or Rome or Mesopotamia or something. Asexuality is not like that.
Are Asexual People Queer?
I’m a big advocate for using the words you want in order to identify and describe yourself. Nobody knows you better than you do. But I’m also a big fan of knowing the history of your words.
Square Peg, Round Hole: On Pegging, Submission, and Asexuality
The first time I slipped into a strap on harness, I was in a hotel room with a guy I met from the internet. He had confided that getting fucked in the ass by a girl with a strap on was the pinnacle of his sexual fantasies, and he was…
Fun Fraud Feelings: The Paradox of the Asexual Sex Blogger
I started this morning with a short thread of tweets that smacked so intensely of melancholy that my partner left bed on his morning off because he said his “Taryn senses were tingling” and that I needed a hug and lots of reassurance. (Award for Best Other Half goes to…
What is the Asexual Spectrum?
Like gender, sexuality is a spectrum. It’s not black or white, it’s not all or nothing. And while all or nothing might be easier to understand, it leaves out a lot of nuance that is needed with things like gender and sexuality. This is by no means comprehensive, and there…
Finding Asexuality
Finding your identity is a process, and even though I have a word for it now, I don’t think that’s the end of it. There’s always more.
Conversations About Sexuality
I’ve been friends with Mary for, what, a billion years? Well, like five. But still! I don’t really know when we both realized we were ace, but we’ve had a couple conversations about it, and I’m always interested to hear other viewpoints on asexuality and how it affects daily living, if at all.
On Asexuality
“Asexual” is a weird word. It conjures up a seventh-grade science class understanding about asexual reproduction, and it stops there. I always wonder when I’m going to need to have “that conversation” with someone, and if they’re going to believe me or I need to defend myself. If it’s in the context of dating, I worry it’s just going to be a deal breaker for them.
On Reappearing
It’s only just starting to feel like I’m reappearing. Some part of me will be abruptly thrown into focus and I’m forced to shift my understanding of who I am.