I find that this is something that needs to be talked about time and time again. There are a lot of different rhetorics around asexuality, even amongst the LGBTQIA+ community. It’s important to remember that asexuality is a spectrum and that many people experience it many different ways. But there are some persistent myths that need to be addressed.
If you’ve had sex, you’re not asexual.
Um… no. Asexuality is about attraction, not action. I don’t know what else to say about this one.
If you masturbate, you’re not asexual.
Asexuality is about attraction. I’m not attracted to my Pure Wand (well, okay, maybe a little bit) but I use it because it feels good! Orgasms are nice, masturbation is normal, and exploring what you like by yourself is a safe and easy way to get to know yourself. It has no reflection on your sexuality whatsoever.
You don’t know that you’re asexual unless you’ve had sex.
I think these are the same people who tell lesbians that they just haven’t had sex with a dude, so how would they know they’re gay? It’s like… I haven’t stuck my hand in a blender, but I still know I don’t like it. You don’t need to have sex to know you’re not into it. It’s just as simple as that.
You just need to meet the right person.
For a lot of people, sexual attraction and romantic attraction are not mutually exclusive. You can be romantically into someone but not want to bang, whereas you can also want to climb someone like a tree, but not necessarily bring them home to Mom. Stop telling asexual people that they just haven’t met the right person. Especially if you do it in a tweet. With a winky face.
You’re asexual because of trauma in your past.
Okay, so, I can kind of maybe see this one if I squint and tilt my head to the left. Some people might see asexuality as avoiding sex because of bad or traumatic experiences. But again, asexuality is about attraction. Someone may have had a trauma in their past and also be asexual, but correlation does not equal causation. Besides, lots of survivors of trauma have fulfilling sex lives. And lots of asexual people have had great pasts, with no trauma. They’re not always related, and it’s dangerous to assume that they are.
I know that this post by no means covers all the misconceptions about asexuality, but these are the ones that I hear most often. I hope I stop hearing them as much, honestly.
What are some other misconceptions you’ve heard about asexuality? Tell me in the comments!